half-fat cheese & dripping

Great Falls of our Time Volume 2

For those of you who read "Great Falls - Volume 1" and let's face it who hasn't (probably you) you can read it 

http://euzie.posterous.com/7379829

It's sort of a precursor to this tale, by approximately 4-5 years. Go on, have a read, it wont take long.

 

Finished? Awesome. Thanks for indulging.

 

So fast forward to New Years Eve 2000 and to a small place called Spaarndam, a little out of Haarlem, not too far from Amsterdam.

 

The place was known as the squatter's canal and we were over to spend the festivities on a friends houseboat. (By the way, this was probably one of the bleakest places i have spent NYE)

 

So we all started partying, and headed over to a neighbours houseboat to carry on and watch/throw the fireworks. At this point one of the revellers slipped in the mud, covering his jeans and soaking him through (i cant remember his name but to save constantly referring to him as "that guy" i shall call him Peter, yes why not...Peter it is).

 

Peter was downhearted, it was Ney Years Eve, in the middle of nowhere and his only jeans were soaked through. Luckily I came to the rescue with my (perhaps over eager) "hey, i've got a spare pair at the other boat, you can borrow them". And so it began.

 

After Peter's "jesus, i can't believe i fell over", i decided to make him feel better. So i started to recount the tale of one of my many many floor spanks. In particular, the aforementioned "GFooT Volume 1". So as we steadily traversed the slippery footpath i told him of the night out that preceeded it. As we headed down the gankplank carefully avoiding the creaky board, I recounted how i stumbled upstairs mumbling about having a poo. And then we walked into the boat.

 

So this entrance, there was a small door leading to what can only be descibed as a ledge. Immediately to the left were two steps down, leading into the kitchenette/galley thingy. The drop without steps was probably about half  a metre, give or take. Opposite the steps was a crate of beer, probably Grolsch, but you never know it could have been Bavaria or Amstel or something. Anyway i digress. Here  is a little diagram, ignore the actual measurements, i couldnt be arsed to erase them.

 

Capture2
So back to the tale, so we walked into the boat, i was on the ledge, i span around as the story reached it's peak. I started the words "and I almost make it. Almost. I miss the top step" but i got as far as miss, as i yes, you guessed right, missed the top step, and the second step and fell sidewards into the galley. Luckily the beer crate broke my fall as i cracked myself just below my right ear. 

 

There was a bit of blood, there was a bit of panic. i didnt notice any of this, i was out cold for apparently 5-10 minutes. To wake up, stuck in the middle of nowhere, in a houseboat party. With no real option but to carry on the night's festivities with a throbbing skull and a feeling i should never tell this story. Unless I am sitting down

 

 

 

Thanks to Labour, and no thanks to Labour

If Labour lose this week and we have a new Government (however that is comprised) I would like to thank Labour for the following

 

Introduced the National Minimum Wage and raised it to £5.35 

Written off up to 100 per cent of debt owed by poorest countries

Devolved power to the Scottish Parliament and the Welsh Assembly

The repealing of section 28, possibly the most odious legislation ever

Created Sure Start to help children from low income households

Negotiated the historic Good Friday Agreement (with Clinton) in Northern Ireland

Increase in statutory holidays for workers

The introduction of civil partnerships

Banned fox hunting

Free entry to national museums and galleries

 

And i will forever jeer them for

 

the Digital bill

The War in Iraq

This ridiculous and constant attempt to bring in ID cards

the continuation of Thatcherite policies to put almost everything up for sale, we have less restriction on foreign ownership than most Western countries

the erosion of many human rights issues including those of photographers, among others 

the War in Iraq (yes i know it's in twice)


 

i have probably forgotten many things, and for that i apologise. 

Brighton Hustings (or how I got a tired arm and didn't get to ask my question)

via independent.co.uk

So last night I went along to take part in this democracy of ours.

The Independent newspaper were hosting a debate in Brighton Pavilion between

Caroline Lucas MEP - Green Party leader and PPC for Brighton Pavilion

Charlotte Vere - Conservative Candidate for Brighton Pavilion

Bernadette Millam - Lib Dem Candidate for Brighton Pavilion

Steve Richards - Chief political commentator on the Independent

Trevor Beattie - Advertising Executive and Labour Party Supporter

it was free, they promised wine and canopes, what was there to lose?

Well the whole thing was great, each of the panel taking up a very distinct personality, the crowd was full of nutters (and some very astute and intelligent people) and I tried, but failed to ask a question.

First things first, the panel.

Now I was aware of the Brighton candidates, and had seem them discuss a few issues on the Politics show a month or two back. I had made my own evaluation of them at the time, but I was willing to be flexible and give them another go.

i was right the first time.

Bernadette Millam, sporting a fresh tan, was as useless and adept as she had been on the TV. I understand that she is running on a platform of "I'm not a politician" but really, you must be able to express yourself. I looked around and people were just switching off. Even Mrs Euzie, who tried to give her the benefit of the doubt agreed as to her absolute awfulness. this is not to say that she had some good beliefs, but if she was voted in, Westminster would eat her alive.

Caroline Lucas. At this point I feel there needs to be full disclosure. i voted green in the London mayoral elections, and for Lucas as an MEP. I have some issues with a few of their policies, but I agree wholeheartedly with many. Now saying this, I would not be adverse to voting tactically in this election, and as I live in Hove, Lucas would not be my local candidate anyway. Also, of late i have found myself questioning who I would vote for. So, back to last night. Caroline Lucas was incredibly impressive. On TV, in small soundbites she can occasionally come across as a bit angry, like an enraged mother at a PTA meeting. But that is can be all down to editing. She was funny, addressed the audience well, and drew great support from the crowd. You can tell the years of experience she carries as well as being her party leader and i think she may have swayed Mrs Euzie to vote Green.

Trevor Beattie is an ad executive who has worked on various political campaigns. He is an ardent labour supporter, and despite my initial reservations (he does come across as Ozzy Osbourne in a suit) he did slowly bring me round. he was funny (though often drifted into just saying "brilliant" a lot) and he most definitely knew his stuff. It was a shame that Lab candidate Nancy Platts was unable to be there, I don't know if she was too busy or just didn't want to come.

Charlotte Vere is a rather odious woman. ignoring my left leanings, she really seems to want to play this sort of pantomime villain role. her opening gambit was about the newly released inflation figures which she addressed as "oooh i know you're thinking what's this figure mean? and ooooh economics is not for me" to be followed later by "yeah of course, boooo hiss" (referring to a reaction she was getting) as well as the rather lovely "i wont comment on this but you're wrong". She seems to be trying to be some form of Young Thatcher in a Cameron guise. She might be a lovely person in real life, feed stray puppies and the like, but she did not win over this crowd, receiving the least applause, and even a subdued boo or two (when she was the only person on the panel arguing that under 18's should not be voting, or in fact having families).

The crowd most definitely played their part well, with heckles on subjects ranging from "Lucas for Brighton " to "I'm glad the Poles can't vote, their own country is on it's knees". there were several questioners who arrived with a pre-prepared question, reading it aloud from shaking hands with grandeur. Although the actual question in question was a bit of a let-down "How would you legislate for greed?" (I understand the Bankers, but surely that also clamps down on kids in sweetshops). And there was one guy who appeared , well just drunk. I tried to ask a question (and not the one I told Mrs Euzie i was going to ask) but in the end my arm wasn't as straight as some of the others and the question "As we appear to be moving forward into an open digital future where anyone can get their voice out there, what are the panels views on the recent digital bill, shoved through parliament at the behest of a few media moguls, that seems to assign us to a prohibitive and censored past?". Ah well.

Core supporters of any party might not have changed their beliefs, but it did highlight the importance of knowing who (or how good) your local candidate is. And also how nuts the angry British public can be.

You can hear the debate by pressing play, if you wish.